FEEDBACK AS A MIRROR FOR SELF-AWARENESS
In the previous newsletter, I discussed self-reflection as an important starting point for increasing self-awareness, which is the first of the four components of emotional intelligence.
Those with higher levels of emotional intelligence may be the ones still employed as AI becomes more prevalent in society. We humans will still be needed to show empathy, build strong relationships, boost morale, ease conflict, and improve teamwork.
In this article, I will explore turning external input, or feedback from others, into growth for personal and professional success.
"We all need people who will give us feedback. That's how we improve." ---Bill Gates
WHY IS GETTING FEEDBACK FROM OTHERS SO IMPORTANT?
Feedback from others is one of the most powerful tools we have for revealing blind spots and aligning our self-perception with how we actually show up in the world. You may be familiar with the 360-degree assessment often used in the workplace, in which those with whom you work closely are asked to provide honest feedback about you in several areas, such as how well you handle stress. The results reveal blind spots by showing how your behavior is perceived by others, which may differ from your own view.
The 360-degree feedback conducted in a professional setting may be easier to handle than feedback provided by a friend or family member, especially in the heat of an argument. Think back to a time when this happened to you. How did it make you feel? Although this type of “feedback” may sting at the time, was there a grain of truth hidden in the vitriol? Perhaps the person mentioned a characteristic you weren’t aware of--- referred to as a blind spot (known to others but unknown to you) in the Johari window. If you’re not familiar with the Johari window, click here to learn more.
Personal example: Although most of my gym buddies are retired, I naively assumed they were interested in hearing daily updates about the new people I was meeting at networking events and exciting opportunities in my field of public speaking and emotional intelligence.
Wrong! One day, I was taken aside by one of my friends who said I was spending way too much time discussing business, and that the group wanted me to cut back on it dramatically. Ouch! Now what? I had to reevaluate the situation and see things from their perspective. I didn’t want to lose their friendship, so before sharing any business updates, I filter through the information and only provide the “executive summary.”
"If we shield ourselves from all feedback, we stop growing." – Bréne Brown
NARROW THE GAP
The idea is to narrow the gap between how we see ourselves and how others see us. In order to do this, we have to:
1. Be willing to handle the negative feedback. Let’s face it— this can be hurtful and bring insecurities to the surface.
2. Next, recognize the need for change.
3. Finally, be willing to take the steps to affect the change. If you’re not in a place to reflect honestly, you may become defensive or make the change for superficial reasons, such as to please others or stay employed. If that’s the case, the change will likely be short-lived.
FROM FEEDBACK TO ACTION
Select the right feedback sources. Ideally, this will come from those who care about you and will be honest with you, as they have your best interests at heart.
Avoid reacting defensively. Pause and reflect upon what you’ve heard or read. Ask yourself: What does this tell me about myself that I wasn’t aware of? What might I be overlooking or avoiding? Use the self-reflection model covered in the previous newsletter.
Create specific, actionable goals. For example, replace a vague goal such as “I need to become a better communicator” with “I will allow others to express their thoughts at meetings before I speak.”
Work with a coach or an accountability partner who can observe your behaviors and provide feedback on a regular basis. This allows you to make slight adjustments as you go. What worked well? What didn’t? Ask “Have you noticed any difference?"
Be patient. Don't expect change to take place immediately. Modifying ingrained habits and beliefs takes time. We’re all familiar with the expression “Slow and steady wins the race.”
Please note: This doesn't mean that every piece of feedback must be acted upon. Be true to yourself. Listen to your gut. Work on those areas in which you know need improvement and visualize yourself, the “new you,” in the future. What will that look like? Feel like? Sound like?
“Feedback is the compass for greatness; it tells you what to avoid, what to learn, and where to excel.” Henrik Ceder
CONCLUSION
As humans, we need other people’s perspectives in order to grow. Ideally, the feedback is offered in a productive and meaningful way, not in the heat of an argument.
This article covered the willingness to accept others’ perspectives, taking the time to make the needed changes, and the steps involved. If you haven’t read the previous month’s article on self-reflection as a form of self-awareness, click here to read it.
Taking the time for inner reflection and seeking feedback from others will lead to increased confidence, more effective communication and empathy for others, and a greater awareness of how your behavior affects others.
WHAT’S NEXT? In next month’s newsletter, we will be moving on from self-awareness to the second component of emotional intelligence: self-management. This will be divided into two parts: 1) how to express yourself in a constructive manner when there’s an issue at hand and 2) how to prevent strong negative emotions from wreaking havoc on your life at work, home, behind the wheel, and while sleeping (or trying to!)
Please let me know if you enjoyed this article and share how you applied the information. Please let others know about this newsletter.
Here's to improving your Human Skills in the Age of AI!
Happy holidays,
Marsha Freedman, M.S.
mfreedman@xprself.com
WEBSITES:
XprSelf.com (public speaking, executive presence, interviewing, workplace communication)
SETPrinciple.com- Trademarked program on emotional intelligence and mental wellness for professionals and students
SouthFloridaSpeakers.com- Talented keynote speakers, entertainers, executive coaches, trainers- all based in South Florida
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
TED TALK- “The Secret to Giving Great Feedback”
LinkedIn article: “How to give thoughtful feedback to a colleague or family member”